(original comic by Jake Likes Onions)
Prismatic Wasteland has challenged all ttrpg bloggers to an emergency bandwagon because of the ongoing conclave. It’s an excuse to clericpost. Earlier in March I talked about clerics some because I was fresh off of Pillars of Eternity II, but I didn’t go into detail. Let’s fix that. It’s time to make a terrible god.
God
You’re just a crooked cop
Kid in a candy shop
They should’ve locked you up
Little forget me not— The Bad Dreamers – Part Time God
Once a simple spirit, you have gorged yourself upon the desires of humanity and transformed yourself into a god, complete with doctrine and orthodoxy. Your devotees spend their days copying scripture — half of it isn’t even inspired by you. Ritual and sacrifice feed you beyond bursting, and in return you grant their prayers as it pleases you. It’s not enough though. You need more. More followers, more churches, more supplication from the mortals. You hear adventuring is a great way to get stuff.
Class Features
Cleric
You need an agent to interact with the mortal plane. To that end, you have appointed a Cleric with a holy vision. Roll 1d6 or pick one:
| 1 | Recover holy artifacts. |
| 2 | Slay heretics. |
| 3 | Demonstrate your power (cataclysm). |
| 4 | Demonstrate your power (miracles). |
| 5 | Convert a new congregation. |
| 6 | Build a new cathedral in your Name. |
You may attempt to guide your Cleric as often as you like, but mortals are terribly fickle creatures, obsessed with things like self-preservation and “dignity”. It’s best to use a firm hand when giving them instructions and punishing them when they step out of line.
Sin
Sin is anything that displeases you, but there’s one thing that you hate above all else. Roll 1d6 or pick one:
| 1 | Speaking your Name without reverence. |
| 2 | Killing your sacred animal. |
| 3 | Rebellion against divinely-appointed authority. |
| 4 | Violence against your followers. |
| 5 | Ignoring tithe. |
| 6 | Mercy. |
Whenever anyone within your Cleric’s perception violates this ultimate sin, you may remind them of your presence. Common actions range from ominous portents to lightning bolts to the occasional upheaval of nature. Sometimes the only way to get their attention is eating them with a whale.
Running Up That Hill
You have a secret ritual — so ancient that even your church has forgotten about it. A contract from your days as a simple spirit that still binds you. Roll 1d6 or pick one:
| 1 | Climbing your holy mountain. |
| 2 | Hunting prey with bare hands. |
| 3 | Collecting sacred objects: a flower, a stone, spring water. |
| 4 | Lighting the lost beacon. |
| 5 | An ancient dance with ceremonial attire. |
| 6 | A canticle sung in a forgotten tongue. |
Whenever someone performs this ritual, you are bound to grant their prayer to the best of your ability. The first time you ignore or are unable to fulfill a prayer, you lose access to all power for eight days and eight nights. If it happens a second time, you will begin to lose your divinity.
Miracle
Whenever someone prays to you in earnest faith, you may grant them their request in the form of a miracle. You must always follow the letter of this prayer, if not the intent.
You are unable to ask mortals to pray for specific things.